Irreverence: “a deficiency in veneration or respect.”
Humor: “the faculty of perceiving what is amusing or comical.”
Wit: “the keen perception and cleverly apt expression of those
connections between ideas which awaken amusement and pleasure.”
Atheism
(from a recent issue of Funny Times, compiled by Jon
Winokur)
“I once wanted to become an
atheist, but I gave up: they have no holidays” (Henny Youngman).
“Not only is there no god, but
try getting a plumber on weekends” (Woody Allen).
“When I told the people in
Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and
asked if it was the Catholic God or the Protestant God I didn’t believe in”
(Quentin Crisp).
“An atheist is a person who has
no invisible means of support” (John Buchan).
“Atheism is a non-prophet
organization” (George Carlin).
“You cannot prove the
non-existence of God. You just have to take it on faith” (Woody Allen).
“Thank God I’m an atheist” (Luis
Bunel).
“Perhaps the most lasting
pleasure in life is that of not going to church” (William Inge).
“Do you know what you get when
you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with an atheist? Someone who knocks on your door
for no apparent reason” (Guy Owen).
“I don’t believe in an afterlife,
although I am bringing a change of underwear” (Woody Allen).
“When I was a kid, I used to pray every night
for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I
stole one and asked Him to forgive me” (Emo Philips).
“I’m a born-again atheist” (Gore
Vidal).
“Religion has actually convinced
people that there’s an invisible man—living in the sky—who watches everything
you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of
10 things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these 10 things, he
has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish,
where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry
forever and ever ‘til the end of time. But He loves you!” (George Carlin).
“I was raised an atheist. Every
Sunday we went nowhere. We prayed for nothing, and all of our prayers were
answered” (Heidi Joyce).
“I distrust those people who know
so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with
their own interests” (Susan B. Anthony).
“You’re basically killing one
another to see who’s got the better imaginary friend” (Richard Jeni).
“There once was a time when
people believed in God and the church ruled. This time was called the Dark
Ages” (Richard Lederer).
“I don’t know if God exists, but
it would be better for His reputation if He didn’t” (Jules Renard).
“A dead atheist is someone who’s
all dressed up with no place to go” (anonymous).
These are wonderful. Thanks for some humor in these idiotic times. Without Jon Stewart, I'm lost.
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