Obsession

Lately, I have been eating vast quantities:
York Peppermint Patties, Mounds Bars,
and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

While driving, the urge is irresistible.

I make U-turns on one-way streets.
I can’t pass Walgreens without stopping
for Ghirardelli Intense Dark
(Twilight Delights with 72% cacao).

I used to be able to pass candy counters,

but now I stop and slobber.
My moans are audible.
I can’t blog without snacking.
My desks are filled with Ritter Sport,
Heath Bars and Kit Kats.

Every night, I dream about Fannie May 
(Assorted Dark Chocolates in floral wrap)

and Godiva
(Chocolate Premiere Tower
with classic ribbon).

I wake up humming candy jingles;

then I run sorties at grocery stores.
The checkers want to know what I do
with all that Bosco
at four in the morning.

My wife says she wants a divorce.

The neighbors shake their heads with disbelief;
they keep their children and pets away.

My doctor says I’m depressed

and not to worry about my teacher’s pension.
My preacher says to pray to St. Jude;
my dentist says to rinse and floss.

I wish someone would stop me

before I move to Pennsylvania or Côte d'Ivoire –  
maybe hand me a cup of hemlock
laced with Ovaltine, or a handful of Toll House
mixed with arsenic.