Senator Jeff Merkley walked into the hearing room like a
man who’d just been told his car got keyed and knew exactly who did it. On the
other side of the table sat Christopher Landau, Trump’s nominee for
Deputy Secretary of State, who looked like he hadn’t slept since Inauguration
Day, and Matthew Whitaker, a former acting Attorney General who carries himself
like a guy who still brags about his high school bench press record.
The setup was simple: Merkley had questions, and Landau and Whitaker had
excuses — weak, sweaty excuses that couldn’t outrun a three-legged dog. It
didn’t take long for the whole thing to unravel. Merkley started calmly, like a
guy setting mousetraps in a room full of blindfolded rats. Then the hammer
dropped.
Senator Jeff Merkley: "I wanted to, uh... uh... ask you, Mr. Landau — is
President Trump a Russian asset?"
That's how Merkley started — no warmup, no warning. Just kicked the door
open and asked the question nobody else had the nerve to say out loud.
Mr. Landau: "Absolutely not, Senator. He's the President of the United
States, duly elected by the American people."
Landau might as well have answered, "Please don't ask me anything
else." Merkley wasn’t about to let him off that easy.
Senator Merkley: "Well, the reason I ask is many people back home have
been asking me this question. And they say, 'If he was an asset, we would see
exactly what he's doing now.'"
It’s the kind of thing that sounds conspiratorial until you start listing
the evidence. And that’s exactly what Merkley did.
Senator Merkley: "For example... he proceeded to forward — or express from
the Oval Office — propaganda that has been Russian propaganda... that Ukraine
started the war... that, uh... Zelensky is a dictator."
Step one: repeat Kremlin talking points like they’re gospel.
Senator Merkley: "Second of all... he gave away key things on the
negotiating table before the negotiations even started, ensuring the U.S. would
absolutely oppose, um... any possibility of NATO membership for Ukraine."
That’s like showing up to a poker game and tossing your entire stack of
chips across the table before the first cards dealt.
Senator Merkley: "Uh... third... he's cut off the arms shipments to
Ukraine completely — undermining their ability against a massive neighbor next
door with short supply lines and... and huge resources."
Pause here and picture Vladimir Putin popping champagne.
Senator Merkley: "Fourth... he's undermined the partnership with Europe,
which has been essential to security over the last 80 years — a major goal of
Putin’s."
At this point, Merkley wasn’t describing bad policy — he was reading Putin’s
wish list.
Senator Merkley: "And then... he's done everything to discredit and demean
Zelensky on the international stage — notably with that shameful press
conference in which he teamed up with the Vice President to attack
Zelensky."
Ah yes, that infamous JD Vance press conference — the diplomatic equivalent
of shoving Zelensky’s head in a toilet while Putin watched from the corner
clapping like a seal.
Senator Merkley: "I can't imagine that if he was a Russian asset, he could
be doing anything more favorable than these five points."
Boom. Merkley didn’t need to say “traitor” — he just pointed at the
scoreboard.
Senator Merkley: "Uh... what else could a Russian asset actually
possibly do that Trump hasn't yet done?"
What else, indeed? The room was dead silent — the kind of pause where you
can hear chairs creak and paper shuffle. Landau tried to squirm out.
Mr. Landau: "Senator, the President has made it absolutely clear that his
top priority is to try to bring peace and end an absolutely savage war. I... I
know you're familiar with the, uh... the... the savagery. This is turning into
World War I-style trench warfare now in eastern Ukraine."
Translation: I have nothing, so let me ramble until you forget what you
asked.
Mr. Landau: "The President is an exceptionally gifted dealmaker. He is
probably the only individual in the entire universe that could actually stop
this."
The entire universe. Not just Earth — the universe. Apparently, Trump’s
cutting side deals with Alpha Centauri now.
Senator Merkley: "Well, let's turn to another — thank you very much, since
you're now off the topic I was raising."
That’s polite for “You're embarrassing yourself — let’s try someone else.” Merkley
turned to Whitaker.
Senator Merkley: "Mr. Whitaker, these five things that the President has
done that are so favorable to Putin and so damaging to Ukraine and to our
partnership with Europe... do you approve of them?"
Whitaker tried the old “blame Biden” routine.
Mr. Whitaker: "Well, Senator, thanks for that question. I'm just going to
have to, uh... politely disagree with you, uh... on those five things and the
way you've framed them. You know... the war in Ukraine would have never
happened if President Trump was president in 2022. The war in Ukraine happened
because of Joe Biden’s weakness."
Merkley didn’t flinch.
Senator Merkley: "Well, maybe you could some other time go on television
and express those points of view, but... do you mind just answering the
question I asked?"
And that’s where Whitaker realized he’d stepped into the bear trap.
Senator Merkley: "Do you agree with the five things that President Trump
has done — starting with him expressing Russian propaganda from the Oval
Office?"
Mr. Whitaker: "Well, you know... again, as I mentioned to your colleague,
I am not here to assign labels. We're in the middle of a very, uh... important
peace negotiation."
Senator Merkley: "I agree. Thank you. Uh... I... I do hope that we have an
Administration that works to get the very best deal for Ukraine. But what a
Russian asset would do would be to work to get the very best deal for Russia —
and that appears to be exactly what Donald Trump is trying to accomplish."
Merkley didn’t shout. He didn’t wave his arms. He just said it — clear as
glass — and let the silence hang heavy in the room. Landau and Whitaker sat there
like a couple of guys who’d just realized their GPS was guiding them into a
lake. If Trump isn’t a Russian asset, he’s sure putting in the effort to look
like one.
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