Friday, April 22, 2011

Euclid and Barbie

"Math class is tough"
Sure it doesn’t add up:
countless camping and skiing trips with Ken,
swimming and skating parties without danger,
dancing and shopping engagements
with Midge and Skipper
like an infinite summer vacation.
Nothing here hints at a dull math class
for integral Barbie and her complex playmates!
Even her curvaceous body
proves mathematically impossible.
She’s an isosceles bimbo
with the whole greater than the sum of her parts.
Just bend her at an obtuse angle,
press her into her pink Porsche
and watch her scud across miles of linoleum
or catapult down the stairs.
You’ll know that her appeal
is an equation of Euclidean beauty and speed.
She doesn’t need school.
She was created to multiply
fantasy by freedom in every young girl’s mind.
Why be upset when Barbie says,
Math class is tough?
You can always add for her –
the numberless accessories
to her expression of the American dream.

“Euclid and Barbie” was originally published with a different title in South Coast Poetry Journal, 1993.
“Euclid and Barbie” was also published with a different title in an anthology entitled A Taste of Poetry, Chicago Style in 1996.


  1. Thanks. By the way...

    The price of Barbie dolls differ greatly for very specific reasons.
    Malibu Barbie $28
    Beauty Queen Barbie $28
    Wedding Barbie $28
    Divorced Barbie $234.75


    Ken's house, car, furniture and more are all included.

    1. Pretty sexist "joke" regarding Divorced Barbie considering the reality is that most divorced women end up worse off financially than divorced men. Here are some relevant mathematical calculations:

  2. “…‘If Barbie [March 9, 1959] were an actual woman, she would be five foot nine inches tall, have a 39 inch bust, an 18 inch waist, 33 inch hips and a size three shoe,’ Galia Slayen wrote in the Huffington Post. ‘She likely would not menstruate... She'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions.’ Slayen estimates Barbie would weigh 110 pounds and have a BMI of 16.24. She based her numbers on the book ‘Body Wars’ by Dr. Margo Maine, and readily admits the doll's head, hands and some other features are not to scale…” [Really?!] (

  3. Ken doll is 59 years old in 2021.
    His shallow brain and lifestyle assures that he has dumped 62 year old Barbie and now associates with the "LOL Surprise OMG Dance Dance Dance" doll.