"I am no longer a teacher"

 

“This was my view from my classroom. A tiny window in the basement that I don't remember ever being washed in 20 years. No wonder I was diagnosed as severely Vitamin D deficient over a decade ago.

“But that ended Friday. I resigned on Monday. I am no longer a teacher.

“This year was the worst. Both personally and professionally. Last Sunday night I had had enough and resigned. Actually I reached out for help back in January and asked for a leave of absence so I could grieve my uncle's death and recover from teaching seven preps in three subject areas including three dual credit classes - and moving all that over to Canvas and Zoom during a pandemic. District administration said no. They did look for someone to take the leave, and offered the position to three candidates. All turned it down. I wasn't surprised. Who would accept such a ridiculous teaching load when there are plenty of other jobs out there?

“Next year I was scheduled to again teach seven/eight preps in three subject areas, with three dual credit classes, but this time with two classes stacked in one period. You read that right. Two different classes in one period. And we've been told the GOAL for next year is that we no longer teach hybrid. If it's an administrative goal, that means we'll be teaching hybrid because no one but me and other former union leaders seems to think hybrid is a change in working conditions...

“So I had a choice. Keep destroying my mind and body and get into emotionally an even worse state, or resign. I told both my DC and my principal that I needed time away when they told me they weren't going to give me a LOA. They shrugged it off. When I actually resigned, the first thing they said was ‘I didn't think you'd actually quit!’ Like I was just making up all the trauma and emotional distress I was in.

“We were always told to ‘Put the kids first...’ to the point of no care for the professional staff. It's a form of administrative gas lighting. Here's where I arrived at: if you don't tuck them in at night or plan to put them through college, they are your students, not your kids. There is a professional difference that needs to be acknowledged and remembered. Every evening or weekend spent on your students is an evening or weekend not spent with your own children or loved ones or friends. Life is too short for that.

“So now I'm free. My neighbor just told me she hasn't seen me smile in a long time. I don't even realize it. I'm still in that basement in my mind still. It isn't real yet. I've been a teacher for 25 years, so not being a teacher is unreal to me.

“I have three years until I'm able to collect my pension without penalty. This year was worth all three of those years.

“I'm out. No more view of the blue sky from a dirty sliver of a window.”

-Michael Cousineau