“…After 22 years, I don't know if I have it in
me anymore. I am a teacher. I will always be a teacher. I love teaching, but
this isn't teaching. Everything I am required to do is about preparing my
students for ‘the test.’ I spend all day, every day, ramming test prep down my
students' throats. Then I do what seems like 8,000 reams of paperwork each week
to prove that I'm ramming test prep down my students' throats. There is no joy
in this for them. I see their blank faces with eyes glazed over. There is no fun
or excitement in learning, for they are not really learning.
“This past weekend, I spent literally every waking hour working and
taking breaks only to do laundry and prepare food for my son. I wrote my lesson
plans with all of the required ‘non-negotiables’ included and explained. I
examined my data to make decisions about what skills might need some re-teaching
and what skills could be practiced and reinforced in centers. I dutifully
created my differentiated centers and made them rigorous (a term that has no
business in education). I printed off copies of things on my own printer, using
my own ink and paper because we only get 1000 copies per month. I laminated,
cut, and put things in folders to make sure I was all ready for today.
“Then, in the middle of my ELA block this
morning, my principal walked in to do a walk-through. Apparently, this go round
was focused on centers because she asked to see mine as she did for all of my
teammates, I later learned. Well, I figured this one would be easy after
everything I did over the weekend. She looked at them, asked me a couple of
questions, and left. My observation notification came through after school.
Imagine my surprise when I received a Basic for Danielson Domain 1e: Designing
Coherent instruction.
“My principal's only comment: ‘While it's good
to see differentiated centers there needs to be paired texts and writing in
your centers.’ Make no mistake, I am open to criticism, especially when
criticism is constructive and valid. This, however, is neither constructive nor
valid. This is about playing a game. This is about making up a fault that isn't
included in the rubric when you can't find one that is. This is about making
sure that teachers don't get too many points so we can keep those merit-based raises
to a minimum.
“This is what education has become. It's a game; it's inauthentic;
it's draining. They're putting out the fire that has blazed inside of me.
They're destroying my soul and my passion. I don't know what to do now. I am a
teacher. I will always be a teacher. I love teaching, but this isn't teaching.”
...and this is why I got out of teaching. I miss it and the kids every day.
ReplyDeleteThis is what bad administrators looks like; sweating the details rather than looking at the big picture. I've dealt with this in the past and it's incredibly demoralizing. These are the admins you can never please, and no matter what they will always be on the lookout for a "gotcha" rather than looking for genuine engagement and learning. They will ignore 29 great things happening and will harp on the one example that is not "by the book." Such a shame.
ReplyDeletei so hear you. Last year was my last year of teaching. I couldn't take it anymore..I am still having dreams...and the Danielson ob. hate it.
ReplyDelete